Friday 26th March - Panic! and Sorry

All week I'd been dreading today. What's sort of funny -in a depressing way- is that I've not actually done much to combat this dread.

Today I had an important Greek exam. 15% of our total mark. All morning, I'd been panicking and cramming in as many Greek paradigms and lexicons as I could manage - which I'm sure you can imagine wasn't very much. I'd been distracted the past month and as a result my work had been affected; I'd finally come face to face to what my tutor calls the 'snowball effect'. Flattened by this HUGE Greek snowball, surrounded by omegas, circumflexes and rhos, all I could utter was: Bugger.

It didn't help that I had a tutorial before it. I had contemplated missing it but we were getting back our essays and I wanted to know the result of my tremendously hard effort (i.e. my six hour sitting the early morning before it was due). I was worried that if I'd just passed on my essay (although I would have only had myself to blame) I'd give up all hope in my Greek test. So all through the tutorial I sat with that horrible sickly feeling one gets in the pit of their stomach.

But to my amazement, and I mean this sincerely readers, I was gobsmacked. With only a few minutes before the doomsday clock was about to strike it's last gong, I quickly flicked to see my grade. At first I thought I was mistaken, and that the numbers that I could see were the end of my matriculation number. So I gave it a few seconds and looked again. Dear God! I had been given a First!

I'm not usually one to brag so I ignored my fellow students' questions as to how I did, bagged my essay and strolled to my class. The next hour and a half was a blur. All I know is that I didn't do very well and that I'd be lucky if I pass. However, if I do pass ... well let's just say all I need to do is pass Greek.

I had a point to this post - apart from ranting as per usual of course ... Oh yes. The thing about the grade I got for my essay is that I knew I didn't deserve it. Unlike my friends, I had not worked very hard but had written the essay in a few hours. I always find it uncomfortable when a friend expresses their dismay at not doing very well on their essay and I have. I try to be a good friend and assure them that perhaps the tutor is just a harsh marker and that their efforts were not wasted.

Photo credit to Boo756
But what I dread the most is knowing that they will ask me what I got. Feigning indifference makes one come across as if they are just subtley seeking praise. On the other hand, answering too quickly makes it seem as if one is boasting. There's either too much hesitation or too little, or too high an intonation to one's voice or not enough. One just can't get the balance right.

My essay grade was a fluke. A one off. And yes it is really really irritating when you are the one who works like a dog and only gets a 2:2 to show for it, whereas your friend 'panics' at the last minute and is awarded a First. I've been at the end of both spectrums and I know just how frustrating it can be.

But all I can say is sorry, and I hate to say it, but some people are just better at some things than others.

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